The second episode of The Grand Tour is the Colombia Special. It comes in two parts, with this being the guide to part one.
The episode starts like any other, in the tent. They explain how Amazon has asked them to become wildlife photographers. Specifically, they’ve been asked to take photographs to be used as Amazon screen savers. What could possibly go wrong?
They begin at 4am, in the city of Cartagena on its tropical beach. Clarkson pulls up in a Jeep Wrangler, and May pulls up in a Fiat Panda 4×4. May jokes that the Wrangler is a popular car in the gay community before seeing a distress beacon. It turns out Hammond is stuck in the sea with his car, although the car is packed in a waterproof polythene so not damaged. He’s been thrown overboard by a ‘shipping company’.
They attempt to pull Hammond’s car ashore but eventually tell him to drive it out himself. He unwraps what turns out to be a Chevrolet Silverado… which won’t start. They then attempt something new, which eventually water damages the camera equipment in James’ car so they end up just calling a taxi instead to the local town to get a tow truck.
They winch the Chevy out of the sea, but destroy a shelter in the process. They blame Hammond, before Hammond leaves the large truck with the help of a ladder.
They head to Cartagena to buy some cameras, and on the way, explain the cars they bought, and why they bought them. They get to the city and Hammond just fits through the narrow streets and, because of this, blocking an ambulance.
While Hammond is having trouble with his large truck, Clarkson sits in his Jeep eating an ice cream questioning as to why Hammond and May think the Jeep is a gay icon… Remember the gay ice cream controversy?
They sit down to plan their strategy, and Hammond goes through all the equipment hie’s bought. The other two think he’s stupid for buying so much, with Clarkson telling him all he needs is a telephoto lens. As he’s saying this, he pulls out a huge lens, dwarfing anything Hammond had bought. James May calls it a pervert camera. He then pulls out what he’s got – a small digital camera.
They set about taking photos around the city taking photos of dogs and horses. Job done. Although after getting a text from Andy Wilman with a list of animals for them to photograph (it turns out Amazon don’t want pictures of horses and dogs believe it or not), they start again.
Hitting the road
They leave the city on a mission to capture the best animal photos Amazon could possibly want. On the way, Clarkson decides his Jeep hasn’t got a good ride, so to relieve his back, they stop to take a photo of a donkey. But while doing this, they spot a man having ‘relations’ with a donkey. They talk to some of the public who say it’s perfectly normal to do this. Poor donkeys.
On the road, they spot a sign of an anteater. They decide that they should wait for an anteater to cross the road, but when this fails, they break out the map. They decide to drive to the region of Santander to find a Jaguar (animal, not car) so begin their long drive South.
On the way, Clarkson asks Hammond to pull alongside James’ Panda and have a race. It turns out despite it’s massive V8 engine, the Panda can out-drag it. Poor Hammond.
Finding the Jaguar
The long journey had taken its toll on Hammond’s truck, with the dash showing a number of warning lights. While explaining this to the camera, Hammond nearly crashes into the back of the car in front.
“Were you not concentrating, Hammond” Clarkson asks.
“I think I may have had a wee,” he replies.
They drive into the jungle but stop at a bridge. Signs say no people, no cars, no motorbikes, and no horses. Clarkson ad Hammond go to take a closer look. They realise that Hammond’s truck will only just fit because of its great width. Clarkson goes first.
For once, he admits speed isn’t the answer, and eventually makes it across. May goes next, and because he’s afraid of heights, shoots across as fast as he dared. Then, it’s Hammond go.
In a few buttocks clenching minutes he makes his way over the bridge, but before he can get off, Clarkson blocks the exit with his car and says he’ll only move if Hammond can answer a question on prog rock correctly.
Hammond pleads to be let off the bridge, so they move on.
The Break Down
James’ car breaks down and gets annoyed with the other two, eventually resorting to pelting their cars with rocks and smashing their windows. Hammond and May moves on but soon after Hammond’s truck gets stuck. He reverses straight into Clarkson who screams at him.
Eventually May fixes his Fiat, put on a rough piece of road, rips off his exhaust pipe. He quite enjoyed the resulting sound.
Night falls, James catches up to the others, and they strap torches to the front of Hammond’s truck because the lights don’t work. Promisingly, they end up in the perfect place to spot a Jaguar, but despite Clarkson’s wish to be quiet, the others with their loud exhausts ruin what peace he had.
After waiting for a Jaguar, they get incredibly bored. Therefore, they decide to set up Hammond’s trap cameras. This again though, is very boring, so Hammond goes and has a poo.
Realising these cameras are remote and automatic, they drive to a near hotel. And now with more freedom to do what they want, and knowing James had gone to sleep, they rotate his car to confuse him in the morning.
The next day they examine the results. The camera has been damaged, but they have got some blurry photos of a Jaguar, including one of its eyes lit up n the dark. Job done.
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