Jeremy Clarson has written about a “possibly lethal” problem that occurred on his farm, which he’s been working on for almost a year now for his new show, ‘I Bought The Farm’, in a recent column. This comes just after he revealed even more issues causing slow sales of his produce and low performance overall.
He begins his column for The Sunday Times by explaining how naturally-found water beneath the ground is looked upon as being healthy:
“…we have it in our minds that the water deep below the surface of the Earth fell as rain perhaps three million years ago and has spent all that time absorbing enriching minerals from the rocks it has passed through, so that it will make our brains big and our colons clean,” he writes.
But the column quickly changes when he admits that all didn’t go to plan after he started drilling for the water running beneath his land.
“That’s certainly what I thought when I sank a borehole on the farm earlier this year. The drill went down 300ft. A pump was inserted. And out came … well, it’s tricky to say what exactly,” he admits.
After just two months, problems started occurring around his farm and house. His dishwasher and washing machine ground to a halt, and his irrigation system for the farm became blocked, but not before showering white residue over the crops.
Tests revealed that the borehole was delivering a curious and possibly lethal cocktail of manganese, sodium and sulphates,” he writes. “The levels were so far beyond legal limits that if anyone even stepped in a puddle of it, they’d immediately grow two heads.”
It turns out that while some water is naturally filtered beneath the ground, the Cotswolds doesn’t have the types of rocks that are able to do this. Clarkson describes them as “diseased rock”, so instead he had to build a reverse osmosis system to clean and purify the water. He will then have to the minerals he wants to keep back into the water. He didn’t like the idea of this, so turned to the spring water that bubbles up throughout his farm.
It turns out this wasn’t so healthy either, with some of it “full of E. coli, some of it heavy with nitrates and some of it a blizzard of faecal matter.” Eventually, though, he found some that was good for bottling, but not before he had to build a bottling plant which consisted of many pipes and a couple of shipping containers welded together.
Unfortunately, just as production started for “Diddly Squat Water”, it failed its inspection again and the whole system had to be cleaned out.
It’s safe to say the effort was high but the result wasn’t. I’m not sure we’ll be seeing any Diddly Squat Water bottles in out local Tesco.