For this mini special of Season 3, we join the trio in the tent once again. Clarkson explains how there’s a layer of peace in Georgia and Azerbaijan between Russia and Turkey/Armenia/Iran. On the left there’s the Black Sea which is incredibly salty, and on the right there’s the Caspian, which is fresh water. Theres 1,000km between the waters… So if you wanted fish from one side, what GT car would you use? The Grand Tour is set…
They begin in Georgie. Clarkson has brought the Aston Martin DBS, Hammond the Bentley Continental GT, and May the new BMW 8-Series. Clarkson and Hammond quickly begin to rip apart the BMW, saying it’s not a real ‘M’ car. The other cars are quickly moved on to with equal pessimism,
They set off on their journey to eat a fresh water fish.
Along the way, they discuss their cars, why they chose them, and why they’re better than the other choices. They also encounter several lemon stores by the road. And after fighting with the voice recognition of the cars, they arrived at the birthplace of Stalin. May ends up braking something. Of course.
That night, a debate starts regarding Hitler and Stalin, but Hammond wants to talk about the cars they’ve brought. He ends up going to bed when he realises they’re not going to talk about anything else. Clarkson, while drunk, has a brain wave. He wants to take away the statue of Stalin, so that night, they hatch a plan.
The next morning, Hammond wakes up to Stalin’s head on his car, but he mistakes it for Nigel Mansell, so they take to the road again.
The next destination is a racetrack, but Hammond is very good at getting lost. Eventually they get onto the highway, but Hammond is finding it very difficult to see around the head on his bonnet. They turn off the highway but end up in the middle of nowhere. The roads become treacherous with the cars grounding out, and they begin to see more and more people wielding machine guns.
— The Grand Tour (@thegrandtour) March 22, 2019
It turns out they’ve travelled right to the border. There’s quite a dispute over this border, and talk to someone who has suffered from it.
Back on the road, the head is removed, and Hammond is fired as navigator. On the way, they’re joined by a group of modified BMWs.
They arrive at the racetrack and quickly start shredding rubber. But after a good bit of drifting and reviewing the cars, they turn their hands to timed laps. The Aston was the fastest car by a massive margin, with the Bentley coming second and the BMW coming last.
— The Grand Tour (@thegrandtour) March 22, 2019
Bursting for a Pee
A text from Andy Wilman tells them to try the same thing again, but while bursting for a pee, so they down three pints of water and wait.
After 20 minutes, they get back on track, and after a quick lap, May runs to the bathroom but James has already locked the door. Clarkson walks up with a wet patch… It turns out they were all slower, so a pretty useless test but funny anyway.
The Journey Continues
They push further in their journey, and Clarkson tells the camera that Georgia made wine. May ends up in a bath full of wine.
The next morning, they drive continue their drive but on the way pick up some souvenirs. Clarkson can’t fit what he’s bought in his car, though, but James has ample room in his.
Past the border, while Azerbaijan is known for oil, they struggle to find a petrol station. They do however eventually stop at ‘Turd Petrol’.
They stop to look at more buildings where James argues that in the real world, the cars they’ve brought are no faster at devouring miles than any other car. So the next morning, he goes to prove this by buying an old Renault, putting Abbie in the driving seat, and putting her on a 50 mile trip across the country. James doubts that with a two-minute head start, Hammond and Clarkson won’t be able to catch her.
Wanna see what my full resting bitch-face looks like? 😒
Check out The Grand Tour episode 11 in which I join the boys for a Special in Azerbaijan…
P.s – There was mould and all sorts growing in the Renault… 🤭 🌱 pic.twitter.com/VZsi2Afje6
— Abbie Eaton (@AbbieEaton44) March 22, 2019
After a mixture of roads and things getting in the way, Abbie wins easily. But after any more can be said, Clarkson cuts himself badly and starts bleeding over the floor. But, because he’s not Hammond, they continue heading East without complaining about it.
Arriving at an oil field, they go to a spa when you can bathe in crude oil. Clarkson has an oil bath, and the next day they set off for the Caspian Sea. On the way, they reflect on their journey and their cars.
Arriving at Azerbaijan, a drag race is planned. Clarkson spins out on the wet road surface, and the BMW takes the win.
With their journey complete, they settle down for their fish lunch, but Hammond doesn’t like fish…