Richard Hammond’s Top, Funniest Quotes

Top Gear and The Grand Tour has spawned so many laughable, sad, and memorable moments that it’s hard to choose a favourite. It’s exactly the same when it comes to memorable one-liners. So instead of listing our top 3, we’ve put together the largest collection of Richard Hammond quotes on the internet.

Top 3 Hammond Quotes

← CLARKSON’S QUOTES
MAY’S QUOTES →

“This is just the happiest car in the world! I shall call it Oliver! Not that we’d ever name a car on Top Gear. I wish I hadn’t said that.”

Oliver is Hammond’s trusty Opel Kadett, but he was soon ripped into by Clarkson and May once they found out about the Opel’s nickname.

“Oversteer is best cause you don’t see the tree that kills you.”

He would know! He’s proven on multiple occasions that he can’t drive in a straight line or round corners.

“Mexican cars are just going to be lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat.”

This is the line that created enemies. The trio had to go to Mexico and personally apologise for insulting them. It started a long and amusing run of jokes and comments.

Get your own Oliver Tee here!

Hammond’s Oliver Tee

Hammond’s Other Quotes

“You can stick a BMW badge on a dead cat – and people would still buy it.”

It’s still true.

“I like to think that my arrogance, impetuosity, impatience, selfishness and greed are the qualities that make me the lovable chap I am.”

While the majority of that isn’t true, he’s definitely a lovable chap!

“Failing my driving test first time; that was a disappointment on a geological scale.”

They say all the best drivers fail the first time!

“If I can be cruel; I’m not a big fan of the Audi R8, actually.”

Some say it oversteers, others say it started a revolution.

“My first car was a 1976 Toyota Corolla Liftback in red, like the one in ‘The Blues Brothers.’ I painted a Union Jack on the roof. I was absolutely in love with it until I destroyed it, which broke my heart!”

Everyone loves their first car, even if they do stupid things to it!

“I had post-traumatic amnesia, five-second memory, it happens as a result of brain injury.”

This was after his crash with the Vampire rocket car.

“And I like pygmy goats, because they’re just lovely, and ducks.”

Who doesn’t!

“Now, personally, I like a car with some sort of character.”

He has plenty, including an old Land Rover and an Opel Kadett he named ‘Oliver’.

“With the case of running, it really is a case of get out, set yourself a distance, run it, and then do it again the next day. It’s tremendously simple.”

Simplicity is always nice for someone who is so busy.

“I think a basic level of fitness can help the body cope with all manner of incidents.”

Let’s face it, he has plenty of experience.

“The easiest and simplest thing that any one can do to make their car safer, more gas efficient, whatever – check the tire pressure.”

Wise words!

“I run a lot. I have this five-mile run that I try and do a few times a week. If I do more, I get shin splints and it drives me mad, so I have to balance it.”

Must take a hamster a long time to run 5 miles.

“Forty is brilliant and I love it. I’m happier now than when I was 20.”

Richer, too!

“For somebody who has injured their brain, every single thing they say and think will be the subject of their own questioning.”

This is incredibly philosophical and quite sad at the same time.

“I would love to act. I probably won’t make it to Hollywood at 42 years of age, but I’d love to act.”

There’s still time, Richard!

“I’m not reckless. I was never reckless.”

Tell that to Rimac!

“My grandfather on one side was trained as a cabinetmaker but eventually worked as a coachbuilder and then built cars. I inherited from him a love of cars, but with no technical ability whatsoever, sadly!”

Richard has such an interesting family tree which originates around Birmingham and solihull.

“I don’t particularly want to smear myself into a hillside.”

Don’t blame him!

“I mostly drive around in a Fiat 500 TwinAir, and that’s a pretty small car!”

I would love to bumble around in a TwinAir!

“It’s not just the kid who’s spent every penny from his job to upgrade his car to tell the world he cares about sports cars, it’s also the person driving around in a fuel-conscious hybrid electric car, because it’s more a message to the world than an effective means of saving fuel, to be quite honest.”

Everyone can love cars, just differently.

“I damaged all the complicated bits of the brain to do with processing and emotional control. I was prey to every single emotion that swept over me and I couldn’t deal with it. I had to re-learn things from scratch.”

I couldn’t imagine having to do that.

“No action hero is more closely associated with cars than James Bond.”

He had all the cars, and obviously, all the girls.

“I’ve been in a car three or four times when it filled with water and it’s not a comfortable feeling.”

I can second that. Not a comfortable feeling at all!