The boys at the Grand Tour have long been known for ginning up a good line or two from time to time… sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident. We all know that Jezza is a one-line generating machine, but James May can come up with a few good lines too.

While Jeremy Clarkson is famous for seeming to find a way to offend nearly everyone at some point or another, James May on the other hand, is more known for being sober and rationale with his quotes. Of course, he did once state that all Mexican food resembled “refried sick”, which helped spark an international issue that actually involved the Mexican Ambassador! But, that’s water under the bridge.

James May test dummy via Top Gear

While in his irritated moods, James May is of course known for his simple and straightforward cracks such as, “You Pillock!”, or “Oh cock!”, or “Oh you utter clot!”

Of course, who can forget these great James May lines? • “I like luxury. It’s the new performance.” • “If you’ve got the brochure for the Hyundai Accent on your coffee table, can I implore you, please, not to do it. Buy a Fiesta, buy a second-hand Golf, go on holiday. Don’t do it!” • “France is a country you have to drive through to get to Italy. That’s all it’s there for.” • “When I was a boy and other boys were lying awake wondering how girls worked, I was lying awake thinking about the Triumph TR6. What’s wrong with that?”

Here is a great tribute video dedicated to our beloved James May:

I personally think that all of these quotes are great, but my all-time Top 3 favorites have got to be these:

“Another man I met recently had employed a builder to screw a wine rack to the wall. Why he wants a wine rack anyway is a bit of a mystery, since he lives only a few doors from a pub that sells proper beer. Even more unfathomable is how he could bear the shame of standing by while another man drilled four holes in some brickwork and inserted some rawlplugs. He can regard himself as little more than a receptacle for keeping sperm at the right temperature until it’s needed.” ― James May, Notes from the Hard Shoulder

I am officially Captain Slow on the program. I can drive quite quickly around the track – I’ve done it a bit – but I think fast track driving is a little like playing the bagpipes. A gentleman can, but doesn’t.

“Truth is, I always do that. I visit a different city and I think ‘where is this street where the fun, the swordfighting, the brawling, the seduction and the drinking takes place?’ And I have a look at it, then I get a bit miserable and I end up in a proper pub because I just prefer it.” ― James May, Oz James Drink to Britain

James May via MotoringBox

So what do you think folks? What are your favorite James May quotes?

Keep driving my friends!

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