Jeremy Clarkson is a man that is not known to be shy about expressing his opinion or to mince words. Of the three presenters on The Grand Tour, Jeremy is the one where you will always know what he is thinking pretty much 100% of the time. Because of this, one could presume that in day to day conversation, Jeremy would give you some pretty blunt advice.

This seems to be true, as we turn our attention to a piece written by Jezza himself for The Sun. The piece starts off with perhaps the most “Jeremy” answer ever:

“WHENEVER someone leans across a dinner table and asks me what car they should buy, I always say “a Ferrari F40.”

I’m sure that goes over well at dinner parties. The truth is, Jeremy states that he hate being asked about cars as much as doctors hate being asked about medicine and illnesses in their spare time. Yes, I’m sure he loves cars as much as his family, but I can only imagine what it’s like when cars are your life everyday. Besides, asking someone which car to buy is on par with asking a waiter/ress “Is this food good?” What a ridiculous question; neither example is simply a “yes” or “no” question.

To combat this annoyance, Jeremy did something brilliant to a particularly persistent inquirer; he launched a barrage of extremely odd and uncomfortable questions, which I will highlight here:

“Are you a racist?”

“Is your wife extremely fat?”

“Will you be having sex on the backseat with your secretary?”

In this example, he ended up suggesting the Audi Q5…which he hates. In fact, I partially share Jeremy’s distaste for crossovers and SUVs that accomplish nothing an actual sports utility vehicle is actually supposed to do. I wouldn’t call my distaste a full on “hate” per se, but you bet your ass I am Mr. Judgey Pants whenever I see a Porsche Cayenne next to me. It’s akin to dressing up in a dinner jacket and going to a Pizza Hut to eat a slice with a knife and fork. Why are you pretending to be something you’re not? Just get a damn minivan!

In Jeremy’s words, here is his reason for his dislike of crossovers:

“You get the same amount of interior space as you would in a normal hatchback but because of the extra weight and tallness, you get less performance and terrible fuel economy.

The trouble is that, these days, absolutely everyone wants a hatchback on stilts. They all want a commanding view of the road. And they don’t realise that soon it won’t be commanding at all, because everyone will be at the same height. Which means cars will have to keep on getting taller and taller until you need a ladder to get inside. And instead of airbags, you’ll have a parachute.

The other problem is that crossover mini SUVs, or whatever it is they’re called, are all extremely dreary to drive. And look at. And be near. I really genuinely hate them.”

Ain’t that the truth. Jeremy’s piece is a fun read and I absolutely read the whole thing in his voice, just so you know.

One Response

  1. Pete.L

    I drive a Crossover/SUV thingy, (Peugeot 3008) ugly as sin I know. I bought it because of the clever boot configuration, it is easy to get in and out of due to the higher ride height, and it is extremely economical. …..ok it won’t win any races but it is practical and does most of what I need quite well. Right enough I would love a Land rover Discovery……but in the real world most of us who have to buy second hand can’t afford what we would really like to drive.

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